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Sunday, July 19, 2015

A Manifesto - I am not what you think you see.

Went to the doc this week, not that I needed to... but when I went in a while back for allergies, the receptionist told me I had need of an appointment for something undefined so I bit. Turns out it was a follow up for my GERD, on account of having to have the prescription renewed. Whatever. I did find out that the doc who had ignored my rejection of his "if the antihistamine doesn't work" back up plan is no longer with the practice.

Skeins of black yarn, spun during the "Tour de Fleece."
Turns out my blood pressure, which has been high since last August-Sept when I started the rounds of dental work necessary to move forward with the knee surgery. It proceeded to stay high, hitting a few reading in the scary-high area over the next few months, including while I was in the hospital after surgery. Thankfully, no one suggested medication, as it came down into the high, but not dangerous level and stayed there pretty much since a couple of months post op. Until a week or so ago, that is... when I got a strange, off the wall, reading much closer to what it used to be... For most of my life it seemed to be fixed at 100/60. For the last week it's been a wee bit above that, but pretty much staying stable, not only with my wrist monitor device but also, today, at the doc's office. Thank you, spinning! Thank you, Tour de Fleece! So she could not fuss at me about my blood pressure... nor apparently my cholesterol, which was "excellent" with the last blood work. So she decided to pick on my weight.

I will admit I weigh more than I want to, at 170 more or less. But, as K says "we are not gaining, and in this world, that is something!"  I have been working on losing but it doesn't seem to happen. The only times I have been able to loose weight I have had to do things that are NOT good.. extreme calorie reduction, "eating funny" etc. I do not drink soda, eat processed or convenience foods as a rule (and seldom even once a week on our town trips now that I usually leave after an early lunch and go solo). I don't keep boughten "snack food" in the house and rarely snack anyway. Seldom buy chips, only have cookies or cake when I make them which is not even weekly.

She wants me to keep a food diary for a week, so I can get a calorie count. Standard good idea, except that when you cook from scratch, not using recipes or even measuring, how the heck are you supposed to find the calorie count of such things as tacos, casseroles, or even tonight's supper of turkey in gravy made from the broth resulting from the cooking in the crock pot and flour, home made stove top stuffing and peas. I could probably easily google the count on the peas, if I weighed or measured my serving , and the turkey as well but... "it's just math" she says... but even if I were to take the time to try to measure everything in a meal as I cooked it this week, I have a pretty good idea it won't be the same next time I make the same dish.

She wants me to walk. Just walk... not going anywhere or doing anything. Yeah right. And that was what got me going on this rant/manifesto.  Because I do not REALLY live in your world, Doc.

 I do not live in a world where I have a job and spare time and hobbies and such. And even when I did have a job in town -- last year... I am coming up on a year of "retirement" from that world -- I did not live in that world, only visited it when needed. That is true, today, as well. My egg delivery, staples shopping, visits to my favorite yarn shop for the weekly Tour de Fleece check ins are just visits to another world, scheduled (sometimes with difficulty) around what I consider to be Real Life. It's a long way from here to there in many ways. Fourty-five minutes for a one way trip is nothing to sneeze at when the price of fuel is up, but the mental distance is even farther and truth be told, I think the distance between the greater Bangor area and the lands of Fussing Duck Farm and hex central is even farther for those who live in town!

Ever hear that saying "You create your own reality?" Despite all those who diss the idea, yes, indeed you can. I did and I do. In my world it is important to DO as much as you can for -- and by -- yourself to keep body and soul together, keep roofs over heads, food in the belly and clothes on the back. No, I
Fruits (actually vegetables) of my labors -
yielded 3.5 lbs shelled peas.
don't live in the 1800s -- and for this I am glad, for had I been born there, I would have actually died. I do, sometimes, appreciate modern medical advances and technology. My pain-free knees, and the medium I am using to communicate these thoughts attest to that. But in my world, most often the old ways get first crack at solving problems: herbs over drug store potions, letters, face to face meetings and at last resort digital communication over electronic summoning of disembodied voices, the fruits of ones own labors over laboring for money to buy fruit. Exercise is not something one stops working to do, but something you get from working. Meditation is not something one stops thinking to do, but something you fall into while spinning or weaving or knitting. Everything, it seems, serves more than one purpose.

Yes, it is hard work. Yes, I am often alone (but seldom lonely, thanks to this little bit of technology with which I communicate.) And yes, as I get older, it gets harder, I hurt more and more often in more places. But it is also just as satisfying a life as it has ever been, perhaps even more so.

In the modern world, where appearance seems to take the forefront and where many try to stand out by dress, or in other ways, you probably would not give me a second glance were you to pass me on the street. Internal differences, attitudes, outlooks don't often show. And I come from a long line of German witches. While we never tried to "fit in" we did not try to stand out, as many do these days. We were -- and are -- the folks that live just beyond.... just outside the routines of the mundane world, just a bit farther from town than you typically go. Those who need and really want to find us will, and do. To the rest, we remain overlooked.