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Sunday, May 27, 2018

I Do Not Support Vulnerability

I do not support vulnerability.  The dictionary defines it as "the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally," and I honestly do not understand how folks can say that is a good thing.

I have heard or read discussions that suggest that it is necessary for compassion and empathy. I am really not sure about that, either. Now, I may not be the most people-oriented, touchy-feely human on the planet -- let me rephrase that, I know I am not the most people-oriented, touchy-feely human on the planet -- but from in here, it has always seemed to me that I have sufficient compassion and empathy to at least pass as a fair-to-middling example of a decent human being. And as far as I know, I have never been even close to having been mistaken for a sociopath or serial killer. Your mileage, of course, may vary. But I am writing here about myself and my experiences.
This is how I see the world at a distance right now
with or without my glasses.
 I come to this topic as a result of nearly two weeks of feeling, for the first time in my life, extremely vulnerable. This has been caused by my recent eye surgery and will become more extreme, most likely,  in another 2+ weeks, for some time after that. My eye surgeon did warn me that my vision would be negatively impacted for some time, but the emotional aspect went totally unaddressed. 

I suspect it is very different for those who choose the "distance vision" option for the implanted lens. My guess, considering how well my left eye works at the close vision distance at which the lens is designed to focus, is that -- had I chosen that option -- I would be able to cover one eye and have decent focus, though a lack of depth perception which would make some difficulty. Instead I see almost the entire world as an impressionist painting. 

I cannot quickly locate the source of a sound that may indicate a problem (where IS that dog the neighbor is shouting at, from the road in front of the house? Was that chicken picking on chicken or do we have a stupid one in the dog yard or a marauding domestic pet?)

I cannot quickly distinguish a potential threat unless it is moving quickly (in this case, bees in the dandelions and I realized the issue before I actually stepped on one) but -- sitting in the truck in a store parking lot in town a few days before a holiday weekend -- I felt like I needed to make sure I did all the necessary errands while K was with me. I was just that much off my game... me, who has never been afraid to walk or drive anywhere, in any city, by virtue of my ability to "read" people and react to defuse or avoid what might be dangerous situations. I guess I have to see them to read them; it seems my ESP is off its game as well

If emotional vulnerability is anything like the physical kind I am currently dealing with, all I have to say is "no wonder 'everyone' out there is terrified of everyone and everything!"

I am expecting to get decent functionality back as a result of all this... eventually. But I also know that one's senses often decline as we age. If that happens to me, I will likely become even more of a recluse than I am. So for those of you who are concerned about elderly friends and ccc
Even inside the house
things have an
impressionist
feel.
ccc relatives that seem to stay at home and not want to go out and about even if they used to enjoy it, perhaps this is why. And perhaps, even if they aren't comfortable "out and about" they might enjoy having the "out and about" brought to them from time to time... as a visit from a friend bearing take out from a favorite "greasy spoon" and a six pack of their favorite brew, or a skein of yarn in a favorite color from their local yarn shop, in the hands of a friend who also likes to sit and knit. Or even a small basket of tomatoes straight from the garden, or a pail of peas with the warmth of the sun still on them in the hands of a gardening friend for a session of "sittin' and shellin' " or just a swapping of "back in the day" stories of gardens and plants from the past.