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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Changes

I realized, while running my errands this morning -- picking up mail, dropping rain-destroyed yard-sale leavings at the dump (really there was little that the Freecyclers did not take), putting our proceeds in the bank, mailing off several boxes (one LONG delayed and yes, Siduri, one to you) and getting my weekly allotment of local fresh shrimp -- that something has changed. My assemblage point, perhaps?

Something, for sure. There was a metaphysical aspect to my "lost weekend" beyond just what was attached to the dispersal of the stuff. I am calmer, for sure. more "here" (in the moment, in the flow) and less "here" (attached to this physical space) simultaneously. More aware of the shades of anger and discontent in those around me (hence the subject of this entry...)

Now, maybe my concept of assemblage point is different from others but this is how I see it.

We are the sum total of our experiences to date and how we react to/view them. From that point we look out at the universe and its many layers if we are lucky enough to be able to see them and that point affects our experience of them as much as they may affect it. Mostly, we just lumber along the path, and where we look out from yesterday, tomorrow, last week, next month, maybe even next year and beyond are pretty darn close. The assemblage point doesn't -- usually -- change much on its own. It takes something... shocking? abrupt? sudden? a "whack 'longside the head by the Celestial 2x4" to change it. Sometimes. Sometimes even that doesn't make a permanent change. The shock can be a good thing, a trauma or something neutral but totally unexpected -- something that knocks us loose from our moorings for a bit, like my bout of hyperthermia of the weekend -- and allows us to experience the universe through a different portal.

It's not just a window we look out of, but a door or window through which we interact.

And mine changed

totally trivially, and without any thought to the matter I realized that I experience my body differently. Not as fat... but it's as if I can feel the smaller sized body as though the remaining pounds were not there. I know I will eat less; what looks like a portion to me is smaller.

And I am more readily reading/hearing/understanding the threads of the "flow"... which told me of a new practice as part of my morning meditation today, and that I needed an additional small cauldron for the main altar to do this, so the last one from the hardware store was my last errand before work today.

And I know that my next house will have an enclosed porch, through which I can enter and leave and where I can do a cleansing ritual in relative privacy (something there is NONE of on either of the two, totally open, porches at the Studio) before entering my home, as needed. For now, I will just add a grounding bit similar to my morning yard ritual, before I enter.